My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
