he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
