there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
