I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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