I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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