i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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