Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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