I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please, let me fuck your mom
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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