can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize