I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Is it because I queefed?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
