My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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