I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
