Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is officially offended.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
