I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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