I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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