In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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