I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize