The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
