I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
3pm strippers are depressing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
