so that wasnt chicken after all
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
