So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
