So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
