So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
