It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
handjob tips. give me some.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
