You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
