he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
