Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
