im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
