One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize