I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
