dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
