After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
