Soap is not a condiment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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