I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
