i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
