If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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