We won't sleep together?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
