Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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