yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
