I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
