i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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