If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
