Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
