Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
