im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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