I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
