Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
