I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Come on in and take your pants off
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