I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
