somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
