so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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