Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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