There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
