was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
