wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
