They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
