He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize