Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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