I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
