Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize