tell your sister to shave her snatch
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
