If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
