Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
