no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
