I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
