Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize