Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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