i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
