I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
