Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize