never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
