i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
