if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Randomize
