Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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