maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
