I can tuck mytits in my pants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
