and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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