you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
