I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
