Where is the hickey?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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