He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
