He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
