anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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