got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
