The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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