tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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