can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
