he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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