u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize