You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
