Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
