the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize