look no pants
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
