Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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