Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
"it" just moved
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
