At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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