I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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