I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
