thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
