i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
