Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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